Feeling Frustrated

I feel sad.. really sad :(

Last May, I did not get a chance to use my remaining sick leave (more or less 3days) and vacation leave (6 and a half days) because of the workloads in the office. On May 6, I filed for a sick leave because of my pre-natal check-up. But my hubby was not available to accompany me so he moved the appointment on Tuesday. I reported to work that Monday. I asked my co-counselor (who is on-leave) to come to school so I can be absent on Tuesday (May 7). But since I know we have a lot of things to do in the office, I went to school to help her from 8:00am to 10:00am. I did not record my time-in/time-out that day, for I believe, I was on sick leave.

On May 17, now I remember, I decided to use my vacation leave for one day so I filed it (this is what I remember). But my husband does not want to be absent from work. So I realized, I should come to school instead, because I have nothing to do at home. Since I filed a vacation leave, I went to work and did not record my time in/out again. 

But on June 2013, when we signed the attendance log, I was reported absent on May 7 and 17. In my pay slip, I was deducted for two days. That was equivalent to P1+++! Now I could not get the money they deducted from me because my two application forms for sick and vacation leave were missing. I feel really sad about it. I am fully aware that I also have a mistake. I feel sad because my intention was purely good and this is what I get. I am very much "attendance conscious". As much as possible, I do not want to be late nor be absent in work/school. I even come to school during holidays and I am more than willing to spend extra hours (without pay) just to finish what I have to do.

I just feel emotional right now... and I really wanted to release all my negative thoughts and feelings.

I remember... It was in school year 2011-2012 when I was assigned to become the Art Club Moderator. Being the head of the Art Club, it is my responsibility to make backdrops for the school's events and programs. One of these is the Culminating Activity for the Buwan ng Wika. Since it was a holiday the day before the culminating activity and because we were not able to finish doing the backdrop, i went to school with my cousin and tried to finish it. Luckily, we were able to finish 90% of it so the event went well.

Another thing, I was usually half day on Saturdays. But on January 29, 2011 I was scheduled to administer the entrance test for year 1. The test started at 8am and ended at around 3pm. We wanted to have a lot of enrollees so I volunteered to extend until almost 5pm just to finish the test and to release the exam result. The same thing during Cavite Day. It's always declared as holiday but when needed, i report to school, especially for entrance test administration.

I am being emotional because my time-in/time-out that the school guards recorded is not enough for me to get back the money they deducted. I was indeed present and I reported to work on May 7 (8am to 10am) and May 17 (7:46am to 4:11pm).

I feel sad because I was not able to maximize the vacation that i deserve. I have been in SSCW since 2010. I was not entitled yet for a summer vacation for sy2010-2011, I filed a two day vacation leave for sy2011-2012 (13 vacation leave were not used), and for sy2012-2013, I used 8.5days for our wedding and was not able to use 6.5days of it.

Now what? :( I blame myself for being irresponsible :( I feel sad and frustrated because I believe i do not deserve the deductions i got. Am I being irrational already? :(